[joke] Instruction Label Humor

[--Damacus-- <damacus@bastion.cnsnet.net>]

I couldn't help it -- I *must* send this on.  It had me laughing like a geek
who purchased too much hardware for half an hour :)

-------

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible.
These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those
5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)



-- 
Damacus		| damacus@bastion.cnsnet.net ** damacus@statiknet.org
New as of 6/14	| PGP: http://bastion.cnsnet.net/~damacus/damacus-key.asc
		| Administrator, Cimarron Network Services, Inc.
IRC:  (EFnet)	| #statik	http://www.statiknet.org  
nick: damacus	| #dc-stuff	http://www.attrition.org/ (hosted/dc-stuff)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Trust the computer industry to shorten "Year 2000" to Y2K.  It was
   this kind of thinking that caused the problem in the first place.

--
To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@luci.org with
"unsubscribe luci-discuss" in the body.