humor (fwd)

[Steven Pritchard <steve@silug.org>]

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *
         Top 100 Things You Don't Want The Sysadmin To Say


   1) Uh-oh.....

   2) Shit!!

   3) What the hell!?

   4) Go get your backup tape. (You _do_ have a backup tape?)

   5) That's SOOOOO bizarre.

   6) Wow!! Look at this.....

   7) Hey!! The suns don't do this.

   8) Terminated??!

   9) What software license?

  10) Well, it's doing _something_.....

  11) Wow....that seemed _fast_.....

  12) I got a better job at Lockheed...

  13) Management says...

  14) Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.

  15) What do you mean that wasn't a copy?

  16) It didn't do that a minute ago...

  17) Where's the GUI on this thing?

  18) Damn and I just bought that pop...

  19) Where's the DIR command?

  20) The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.

  21) I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free
      space.

  22) What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?

  23) Do you smell something?

  24) What's that grinding sound?

  25) I have never seen it do *that* before...

  26) I think it should not be doing that...

  27) I remember the last time I saw it do that...

  28) You might as well all go home early today...

  29) My leave starts tomorrow.

  30) Ooops.

  31) Hmm, maybe if I do this...

  32) Why is my rm *.o" taking so long?"

  33) Hmmm, curious...

  34) Well, _my_ files were backed up.

  35) What do you mean you needed that directory?

  36) What do you mean /home was on that disk? I un-mounted it!

  37) Do you really need your home directory to do any work?

  38) Oracle will be down until 8 pm, but you can come back in and
      finish your work when it comes up tonight.

  39) I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2 am, so I
      killed your job.

  40) Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to PVCS. Is that a problem
      to you?

  41) We're standardising on AIX.

  42) Wonder what *this* command does?

  43) What did you say your (l) user name was...?

  44) You did _what_ to the floppy???

  45) Sorry, we deleted that package last week...

  46) NO! Not _that_ button!

  47) Uh huh......"nu -k œUSER".. no problem....sure thing...

  48) Sorry, we deleted that package last week...

  49) NO! Not _that_ button!

  50) Looks at workstation "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"

  51) Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)

  52) YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!

  53) What do you mean that could take down the whole network?

  54) What's this switch for anyways...?

  55) Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does

  56) Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?

  57) If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.

  58) Was that YOUR directory?

  59) System coming down in 0 min....

  60) The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!

  61) Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems
      with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?

  62) OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for c) .

  63) The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?

  64) It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few
      hours.  This is said on a Monday afternoon.

  65) I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip
      with out tripping the breaker.

  66) What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?

  67) I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system
      performance and I have it running now.

  68) Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?

  69) Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!

  70) Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.

  71) I hate it when that happens.

  72) And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?

  73) Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?

  74) Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?

  75) You can do this patch with the system up...

  76) What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?

  77) The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???

  78) Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program
      was on that disk....

  79) What do mean by "fired"?

  80) hey, what does mkfs do?

  81) where did you say those backup tapes were kept?

  82) ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like _this_...

  83) don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT

  84) what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?

  85) now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either

  86) Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4

  87) SMIT makes it all so much easier......

  88) Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?

  89) I don't care what he says, I'm _NOT_ having it on _my_ network

  90) We don't support that. We _won't_ support that.

  91) ...and after I patched the microcode...

  92) We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one

  93) Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...

  94) This won't affect what you're doing.

  95) We are shutting xx down from 8.30 to 10.30 on Thursday to install
      a new tape drive.
      The machine was up at about 2 pm sans-tape drive

  96) I just have to install these three patches. It should not take
      more than a few minutes.'
      The machine was working again about 3 hours later...

  97) Umm, did anyone have anything important in /usr?

  98) Ignore the errors. It complains too much.

  99) I got these instructions off the net. I'm going to follow them
      exactly. Let's see if they work.

 100) I don't know if this is ethical, but...



                                                             - The Joker

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